You know why you’re here. Weirdo. You’ve followed the data crumbs, the faintest hints of digital tracks and finally stumbled upon this haven for lost and sorry souls. Welcome to the family.
Take the time to gander at some of the artefacts on display, you will find many influences here. From flirting with gothic to shredding metal, toying with the esoteric and taking a tight tentacled embrace with the weird.
So naturally, as with the morbid curiosity of the macabre, one begins to ask where does it all come from? What does it all mean? And for the love of sanity why?? So without further-ado, let’s meet the maker…
Interview with a pipe maker
Interrogator:
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Good evening. |
Mr.K:
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Good evening. |
Interrogator:
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So, Mr.K, just what kind of name is that? Where’s the rest of it, first name and so forth? |
Mr. K:
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I think I must have misplaced them. |
Interrogator :
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Going to be like that is it? Fine. Well let’s get into it then. You say you use only ‘top quality briar for your bowls and premium German ebonite for your stems’, is that correct? |
Mr. K:
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I don’t remember saying that. But it’s true. Anyone who knows their pipes will be familiar with these materials. I merely wish to assure patrons that the items displayed here are not toys, gimmicks or props. They are quality handmade smoking pipes. |
Interrogator:
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:-X Now, I really must know or I will throw up, what force compelled you into making pipes? |
Mr.K:
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Will the source of my motivation affect your opinion of my pieces? |
Interrogator:
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Well… |
Mr.K:
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I just love pipes. Love them I tell you. If I’m not within spitting distance of a pipe at all times I go mad. Plus, as everyone knows, the simple act of smoking a pipe raises your Charisma and Wisdom stats by 1D20. |
Interrogator:
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Srsly? |
Mr.K:
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Ok, it was essentially vanity. I wanted to smoke pipes that were in sympathy with my personality. And since I couldn’t find them, I had to make them. And then I suppose greed followed, since after I had made one I immediately wanted more. I like to mix sins whenever possible. |
Interrogator:
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How charming. What I can’t fathom is where you obtained the solid gold-plated don’t-mind-if-I-do audacity to think other people might want to own one of your, for want of a better word, pipes? |
Mr.K:
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I had a misbegotten idea that I could add something unique to the world, and the hope that some might find them ‘hip’, ‘cool’ or ‘froody’. It wasn’t the megalomaniac’s deluded sense of grandeur. It was plain, simple and honest hope. For lo, is it not hope that lies at the root of all follies? |
Interrogator: >
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Despicable. Now riddle me this, if you can. How would you describe your, for want of a better word, style? |
Mr.K:
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I wouldn’t. |
Interrogator:
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May I suggest ‘Freak Chic’? |
Mr.K:
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If you like. |
Interrogator:
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If you use that I’ll want royalties. |
Mr.K:
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Not if I kill you first. |
Interrogator:
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How delightful. Is there a shout-out you’d like to make? |
Mr.K:
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Yes. I’d like to pay my endless gratitude to all the folks in the Pipe Carvers Guild. An invaluable community full of sages, wise men, jokers, pranksters and the odd homicidal maniac. Long may they stick it to the man. |
Interrogator:
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How very. |
Mr.K:
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Will that be all? |
Interrogator:
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One would hope so. The sound of your voice is beginning to grate on my nerves. |
Mr.K:
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Well, that’s something at least. |
Interrogator:
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Goodnight. |
Mr.K:
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Goodnight. |